Dear Owen

FOUR!!!!!

Oh Owen.  My sweet, Owen.  I don't know if you could be any kinder or sweeter or more gentle.  You go out of your way to help people, to share, even when its your turn or your new toy.  You are so agreeable, and love to cuddle, Oh, you love to cuddle and be close to us and I LOVE it.  You end up in our bed pretty much every night and will reach over and just grab my arm or just nuzzle in close.

You are goofy and funny, and sweet. You are full of energy, curious and talkative.

You fill the days with chatter, "facts" that aren't so much fact but you insist that they are, questions, and polite requests for things to eat and drink (usually lemonade). You love to tell stories about things that happened (but really never happened) and you really love your brothers.

I am proud of you for being smart, loving and courageous.  The way you walk right into your classroom, confidently put your things away and go to the sign in table to write your name makes me so happy.  So far, this is the first year I have been able to leave one of your classrooms feeling happy and confident that you will have a great day and be happy the whole time.  Your brothers don't make it this easy to leave them at school.
Thank you for the help you offer up when you can tell I need it, and for being so patient with me and accepting my apologies when I have not been so patient with you.

You get over things quickly and usually just forget what it is you are crying about and come back down stairs and say something funny. You can fall asleep just about anywhere, love your Gus, your Otter and like to sleep in only pj pants--no shirt. You will try anything and are the best eater in the house. You love taking pictures on my phone--of yourself, me, bugs, your lovies, you name it!

Your easy going and go with the flow attitude makes you a joy to be with and just one look at you and your sweet cheeks and your smile and I cant help but smile. I love you so much it hurts!

First Day Blues, For the Mama

I really never thought that dropping off Cash on his first day of preschool would be, by far, the hardest school drop off yet for me.  Go ahead and ask me how I am doing. If you were here with me, you wouldn't have to, you would  be able to tell by my red, blotchy eyes.

I have had anxiety and been worrying about this day since last year! The separation anxiety seems to have gotten worse, and I am embarrassed to say, but my separation anxiety from him is just as bad.  He is my baby.  I have been with him every single day for the last two years.  He has literally gone with me almost every where I have gone.  If I am going to the store, he wants to come.  To take out the trash, he is right there with me.  Run errands? Yep, he loves it, as  long as he is with me.  Since I have known that he was my baby, our last, I have treasured every single moment with this kid.  It is the first time that I have been able to truly enjoy every single step without having to worry about another baby. Eli and Owen were both big brothers by this time.  He has had so much of my attention.  He gets away with everything and pulls at my heartstrings. I love him so much, I never knew it would hurt this bad (and of course, I feel this way about all 3 of my boys!!).

So I made sure I had a friend to run with this morning to get out some nervous energy.  She had limited time this morning, so I dropped her off at her car after three miles and planned on just adding on another two miles, but I think in my head, I thought "If I just keep running, I don't have to face the day yet," so after 7 miles I realized I had to get back to the car and get home.  It was not until then that I realized just how much I was actually dreading today.

I got home and held it together until I got in the shower and I just started crying. I am actually still crying and I get to go pick him up in an hour!

Drop-off was hard.  He cried and grabbed on to me as tight as he possibly could.  I cried, a lot.  I got a call from the school that he was doing great, and engaging and having fun.  Even that made me want to cry.  I am not sure I am ready for all this change.  It was a big day for me. But it is also just a day.  I have taken two other kids to school for the first time, I have said teary good-byes, I have cleaned up the house and without a swirl of kids around me, and I have had a quiet house before and will remember how to enjoy it. I might even remember how to have lunch with friends.

I thought the third time around I would have the hang of things. Today was so hard.
But...I know this is a good thing.

Update: Cash had a good first day.  He was certainly ready to hop into my arms the minute he saw me, but nonetheless, we made it through!
Owen was also amazing today, was happy and independent walking into his classroom, putting all his stuff away and then went right to work!  The first thing he said to me when I picked him up was "I had an awesome time."  Does not get better than that!