Dear Eli

Double digits! All 10 fingers! A decade! Pre-teen! Holy cow! You are TEN!

Looking at you and then at Tripp, our bookends, it makes me realize how far I have come as a mother. How far our family has come, and grown. Part of me feels so emotional thinking about you turning 10, and the other part of me feels proud and victorious for getting this far.
Lots of milk, sweat, tears, patience, laughter, fear, bottoms wipes, patience, sleepless nights, cuddles, failures, forgiveness, trust, perseverance, haircuts, nails cut, showers, baths, school days, school projects, parties, family time, play dates, sports, setting and holding boundaries, tantrums, patience, kisses, cuddles, you get it....ALL the things that make up a decade of life for you and a decade of mothering for me. What a wild ride these last 10 year have been!

This year you have become a big brother for the third time. You just said this morning how much you loved having a baby brother and how you still can not believe he is your brother. I share that sentiment! Watching you become a big brother has been amazing for me. You are so kind, and caring. You are gentle and understanding with Tripp. You love him deeply and it shows in how you care for and look at him. Every morning when I drop you off at school you rub his head, give him a kiss on his forehead and tell him goodbye.

At 10 years old, its been quite a year. You are changing in so many ways. The hormones and mood changes are starting to set it. Sometimes I think your dad and I are too hard on you, but know that it comes with good intentions. It comes from a place of love and our deep yearning for you to be a good, successful human. And we know, you are an amazing little human.
When you are interested in something you blow me away with how much you immerse yourself in the subject, the details you remember, you have amazing focus, how much you enjoy learning about it. BUT--when you are having to do things that don't interest you it is incredibly difficult for you to focus. FOCUS!!!! Holy cow! Sometimes it is incredibly hard to get you to complete a task without having to redirect you a million times. Eli get your shoes on. Get your shoes on, please! GET YOUR SHOES ONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! I know this will bring you success in life, I hope that you are able to find something you are passionate about and you will put this trait to work.

We celebrated the morning with an ice-cream cake, streamers on your door, and a surprise sign in the yard.

But lets be real here. The morning was going great. Then for whatever reason you got upset, or maybe I got upset, its all kind of fuzzy now, but you decided you hated your birthday present, you changed out of your new shirt, the sign in our front was stupid and you refused to take a pictures.....and I lost it. LOST IT.
A little about what I have learned about you--you have expectations of how you want things to go, but you don't voice what those expectations are. So it leaves me to try and guess what it is you want so you aren't incredibly disappointed. I put so much pressure on myself to do my best to make you happy. I felt like I had done every little thing right this morning so that you would have a wonderful birthday morning. And then, I let my guard down when it still felt like it wasn't enough and I just lost it.  I yelled. Loud.
I could feel the silence on the drive to school as regret started to sink. I dug deep, composed myself as best as I could and apologized for how I responded and tried to make things better but it was not that easy. We got to school, Owen would barely even give me a hug good-bye. Cash seemed kind of oblivious to the fact that I just acted like a maniac on the way to school (Ha!) and Eli, you started to tear up when we went by your class to drop you off.
So I grabbed your arm and we left school together. I had to make this right. So we went out and bought a little bonus gift of some Pokemon cards, got Chick-fil-A breakfast, and then went by the house, per your request, and changed back into your new shirt and took a picture in front of the sign. I did my best to apologize and explain why I got so upset. You were happy when I dropped you back off at school. But I still feel so much regret.

Dad came and had lunch with you, and then you came home to warm Tiff Treats from Ethan and Rachel.

We took two of your friends out to dinner to cap off the day. It ended up being a great day for you. I still feel awful about the morning. There is a lot of guilt that comes with parenting. It took me a few days to get over this one. But I know that I learned from it, hopefully you did too, and the next time we will both handle the situation better. You have taught me so much in these 10 years. Patience in particular:) I cant wait to see what the next decade brings! I love you tons, Eli!!!

Love, Mom

8 Months

I left your room last night after checking on you and had this flood of emotion of how much I loved you. It is so amazing to me how you can find room in your heart to love another person so much. I remember when I was pregnant with Owen I was so worried I would not love him as much as I loved Eli. How in the world can I love another person as much as I love Eli?!? But of course I did! I did not have that worry when I was pregnant with you because I knew I would love you just as much, but it still amazes me just how much I love you, how amazing it is that you are ours, that we were lucky enough to be chosen to be your parents, how much you are adored by your brothers, how well you fit into our family that we were certain was complete before you. I still just can not believe it.

It is also crazy that 8 months have passed since you were born! At 8 months you are sitting up very sturdy, can get yourself from laying down back up to sitting, you are crawling, crawling, crawling everywhere. You see an UNO card and make a B-line for it--you love those UNO cards! We are on a major UNO kick right now so they seem to be everywhere.

You are pulling yourself up to STAND!!!! It happened overnight. You got it one time, and now you wont stop! You were so proud of yourself when you stood up in your crib for the first time....that same day your Dad lowered your crib:) But that did not stop you from figuring out how to stand up in your new lowered crib!

You are taking two naps and pretty much ready to go to bed around 6:30-6:45. When you wake up is a total crap shoot. You still do not have any teeth which is A-ok with me. You love your paci. You are catching on to eating solids and seem to like them ok. Nothing really jumps out as your favorite yet.
You love knocking things down when we build towers for you, you love your water cup...not quite sure if you like chewing on the cup or drinking the water better! Everything is going in your mouth. You love peek-a-boo, and you LOVE your Dad and he just ADORES you. He says all the time "I am so glad he is here." You reach for him more than any of your brothers and it melts his heart!

I am not sure that there has every been a baby that is dotted on more by so many brothers! You are one loved little Sir--as Ethan and Rachel call you because of your constant business man hair-do side swoop!

Polar PLUUUUUUNGE!

I love me some polar bear plunge! 

If you ask me, its the best way to start off the new year! We all loaded up in the car and headed to Barton Springs. We ran into some great old friends on the way in, which made it that much sweeter. 

It was a cold morning! Way colder than I was anticipating!  I only had two takers this year:)

Was pretty impressed with Eli and Owen and their willingness to jump. Cash got down to his suit, stood by the side of the pool and chickened out.....there is always next year.

Cheers to 2019!