I am at a loss for words and bursting with things to say. I want to say everything but no matter how well I articulate how I feel, it won't come close to what is really in my heart. What is really in my heart is too big, too precious, too special for words. Sitting here on the eve of the day we met, minutes after nursing you to sleep, my mind is scrolling through thumbnails from the last 12 months.
A year. 365 days.
There were lots of tears, a cup (or maybe 2 or 3) from exhaustion and gallons from happiness. A molehill of frustrations and a mountain of triumphs. Runs and walks. Rolls and tummy time. Shared nights, shared giggles and tears at 4am. Pride and strength and worry. Too many nights awakened, too many moments to count of pure joy. Waves for strangers, smiles that light up the room. Two teeth, too many ear infections, one haircut. Lots of laughs, and pushes from brothers.
A year since I realized my own strength.
Three boys is a lot of work.
My patience, my stamina, my sanity was really tested this last year.
There were days where I cried more than you did because I was filled with frustration, beyond exhausted and just plain worn out. Some days felt like the demands never stopped, and my constant battle to clean up messes and crumbs was a battle I would never, ever, win. I certainly have had moments of feeling like a bad mom and moments where I was the one acting like the kid. This year has really taught me patience and to practice taking a breathe before reacting. I learned to juggle a million things at once, all while holding you.
You have been a complete joy this past year and I can not imagine our family without you. I am excited to see who you will become but from what I can tell, you seem to be a pretty good balance of Eli and Owen. You have Owen's laid back, quirky personality and are always happy but have a quietness that Eli has and some of his drama. Boy can you be dramatic. You have recently started running off and throwing yourself on the ground when you don't get your way and just belting it out! It is so entertaining, that I actually don't mind when you do it. I kiss those chunky cheeks probably way too much. You walk around with such confidence. Just recently you have become a picky eater but cheese and raspberries are always a hit. You take a lot of grief from your brothers from little pushes they think we don't notice to get you out of their space, to Eli yelling "MOM!!!! Go put Cash down for a nap so he will leave me alone!!!" You are an awful sleeper. You love the bath, and your brothers toys, the ipad, dogs, you love to point and your pacifier. You can scale playground equipment in the shadows of your brothers, you recently started "talking" a lot, not listening to us very much, you are stubborn and can harass your brothers like a pro. You are one very loved little guy, you have two big brothers that will be your best friend always (I hope) and will always have your back (they better!), and who shower you with love and kisses and hugs every night before you go to bed. You are awesome.
This last year has been a whirlwind, the best whirlwind ever. To watch my three boys together is the most wonderful, rewarding experience every single day. It never gets old.
This year has flown by, it blows my mind.
I am lucky to be your mom. I love you with all my heart and I look forward to what is to come.
Happy Birthday Sweet Cash Jacob!!!
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